Whenever going through a break-up, it’s important to maintain control over one’s emotions. Emotions make a weak person act out of character and even irresponsible; sometimes, irreversible.
While getting my first tattoo ever, I had time to reflect on what was behind me and what was in front of me. It was the perfect time for reflection because it kept me unfocused on my fear of needles and until today, had purposely filled my agenda with plans to keep me distracted from thought.
After breaking up, I was anxious to return to my classroom, to return structure and discipline in my daily routine. It’s the smartest strategy to handle any emotionally disrupting event. Regrettably the ice and power outages took this from me, taunted me with it even. School was canceled the remainder of the week due to power outages. I suppose there was plenty of time to return all those gifts…
I soon realized that many local bars did in fact have power.
We returned to school for one more week before leaving again for winter break. It felt good going back after a grueling, lost week. It felt good catching up with everyone again:
“Hey Josh! How did you’re snow day week go? Did you get to spend a lot of time with your girlfriend?”
Well, at least it was going to feel good to catch up. Apparently, not everyone pays attention to the “relationship status is updated” memo on my FaceSpace page. I was really surprised that everyone knew just the wrong things to say:
“Really? Oh no! That’s too bad! She was sweet!”
“She was pretty!”
“She was stacked!”
And even the one person who originally disapproved of her let me down:
“Really? That’s too bad, she was starting to grow on me.”
Whatever happened to the friends that point out how inconsiderate, high-maintenance, spoiled, and mentally faulty all ex’s are? They couldn’t see it, but I was getting tired of all that shit.
(Well… not all exs are like that…)
The constant reminder had successfully followed me to my inner sanctum but the profession has a way of forcing you to perceiver. Every morning, despite personal woes and gripes, it’s necessary to put it on a shelf until you find time out of public view to let it out. The text books on classroom management label it as “Modeling”. Modeling what it looks like to be a mature and responsible adult.
At the end of the week, I collected all the relationship artifacts from my house, including gifts given to me. It was the first day of winter break when I drove over to her apartment. I remember taking the long way to give myself time to plan out a really great speech. A speech that in a mature and respectable tone conveyed that she politely “go f-ck herself”.
I was ready and walking up her steps.
I was standing in front of her door.
I was… wasting my time. She had been wasting my time.
Before dating Amy, there was never time to get any structure reintroduced into my life. I never learned how to live without Melanie. Instead, I settled for the first Siren I sailed past.
I hung the bag of artifacts on her door. She’d probably find them. It didn’t matter; she was probably at work anyway.
I left for Dallas to kick off my winter break. The weekend was a blur, but not always blurry enough. Now I’m sitting with Rocco. He’s been doing tattoo “art” for over a decade.
I’m eager to get back to my classroom; structure and self-discipline.
The first semester wasn’t over yet but already left its mark.